5/5 Stars – The Best Intergalactic Stay in Ocala, Hands Down
Let me start by saying: Houston, we do NOT have a problem—because Avid Hotel Ocala is the only hotel where you can land your UFO, feel like a billionaire ex-president, and dip your toes in liquid dessert without judgment.
Parking: First off, I rolled up in my interdimensional craft—a 1997 Saturn disguised as a Tesla—and what do I see? ROCKET SHIP PARKING. On the roof. Like, actual launchpad-style parking. I parked next to a guy in a chrome-plated Winnebago with satellite dishes. Casual.
Check-In: As soon as I entered, I was greeted like I was Donald J. Trump reincarnated—minus the spray tan and nuclear codes. Red carpet vibes. One of the staff actually said, “We were expecting you, sir.” I don’t even think they knew who I was, but that’s the kind of energy I need in life.
Amenities: Let’s talk about the real reason you’re here—the chocolate fountain. I don’t know if this was part of the continental breakfast or a Willy Wonka fever dream, but me and my buddy couldn’t resist. We dipped our toes in. No shame. It was warm, velvety, and honestly… my feet have never felt more edible. (P.S. Sorry to the next guy in line—should’ve gotten there earlier.)
Room: My suite had mood lighting that made me feel like I was being probed—in a good way. The bed? So soft I sank deeper than my last situationship. The pillows whispered sweet nothings to me. I woke up convinced I had ascended to a higher dimension.